a new low.

Today, we took our daughter to Universal studios for her 20th birthday.  We were so excited to go on the Hogsmead ride.  We waited in the line for an hours, got all the way up to the ride.  Then they put me in a "test" seat in front of the entire line to see if the seat would lock.  Guess what, it didn't and I was asked to exit the line and wait for my daughters at the end of the ride.  My boobs were too big to allow the ride to close over me chest. 
You know when I see myself in my mind, I'm not fat.  Maybe that's my problem.  I've been cutting back on my carbs but that doesn't seem to help.  I don't now what to do. My insurance won't help pay for any sort of gastric surgery so that's out. 
Fortunately my insurance is paying for a breast reduction so I'll lose about 5lbs there but I need to lose about 150 from the rest of my body.
I just don't know how i'm going to do it.

Tomorrow's the big day.

I'm starting my Atkins diet tomorrow morning.  Today I weighed in at a whopping 279lbs.  Breakfast in the morning, an ham omlette.  Lunch will be a salad and chicken breast.  Dinner is Taco's carne asada for the family, I'll have mine without the tortilla shell and add a salad.  I have two snacks between breakfast and lunch.  I'm taking an Atkins chocolate shake with me and some celery and cheese.  My goal for this first phase is only 20 net carbs a day.  Tomorrow I'll figure out the rest of my meals for the week and ask my husband to help me fix my dinners.  Sometimes he like to have dinner started before I get home.  His favorite side dish in roasted potatoes and onions in tons of butter. 

Oh, I did get some great news last Friday.  My surgeons office called and by breast reduction was approved by the insurance company.  I'm scheduling surgery for Dec 1st.  I'll be off work for two weeks possibly three.  But since we're taking a trip to Kissimmee Florida for a soccer tournament I didn't want to press my luck with my staff and be off too much.  I have to have the surgery before the end of the year or I'll have to go through the whole pre-determination process again and then I'll have to pay co-insurance and deductibles.  As is stands now it doesn't look like I'll have to pay the surgeon or the hospital.  We'll see.

Any whoo..  I'm off to double check my menu for the tomorrow and gather my things up for work, it' going to be a busy day.  I'm the only one in the office until Thursday. 

Hmm, maybe there's something to it??

So, we ran into a friend at dinner the other and night and my husband made the comment that he looked like he had lost some weight.  He said that he had lost 25 pounds,  his doctor had put him on the Atkins diet.  Now mind you this is a "big" man, so 25 lbs to him is like 5-10 on a reguar size person.  I'm am by no means meaning that in the wrong way, because it would probably look the same on me, given I need to lose 122lbs myself.
So, after we got home and everyone had gone their separate ways I jumped on the computer and decided to research the Atkins diet again.  I remember early in it day, this diet seems so strict that there was no way I could follow it.  But today, there seem to be more options.  The website looked interesting and they have a new book with more recipes.  The recipes I looked up seem very doable.  So.... today when I run to Wal-mart to pick up a few things I'm going to grap that book, if they have it. 
What's it going to hurt right?  I've tried everything else why not this.

You're getting sleeepy!

So, while I was in Tennessee for a work retreat the entertaiment was a comedic hypnotist.  I will say the show was fantastic and I truly believe my coworkers (one being my roommate) were really hypnotized. 
Prior to becoming a comedic hypnotist this gentleman was clinical hypnotist and still practices to some extent.  So, that being said at the end of the show he was selling his CD's and yes I bought two, one for stress relief and one for weight loss.  I listened to the weight loss and felt really good afterewards.  However,
this CD was recommended if you wanted to loose about 20 lbs.  If you had more than 20 lbs to loose you should order the "Full Immersion" system.  Which includes 5 CD's.  One to start your motivations, one to help stop cravings for sugar and junk food (which I really need), another to motivate you to exercise (yep need that one too) and for bedtime. 
Now you don't listen to them all everynight, you can mix them up.  I've been listening to the junk food and sugar the past few nights and I must say I think they are working.  I normally have something sweet after dinner and since it's halloween there's candy all over the house.  I've had one peanut butter kiss in the past two days.  That's pretty good for me.

The best part was I got on the scales this morning and I had lost 4 lbs.  Who knows there might be something to this.  I think tonight I'll try the junk food and again and maybe one of the other one. 

I'll keep you posted.

My pledge!!

My pledge to me.

1. weigh everyday and post my weight here.
2. Record every bit that goes in my mouth.
3. stop eating greasy foods. ( no more of my husbands home cooked fries)
4. start a low impact exercise plan. 

The exercise will have to start slow because my feet constantly hurt and I have tendonitis in my right foot.
I'll have to research some exercises. 

Wish me luck and lot of prayers.

Ignoring it won't make it go away.

I have this terrible problem.  Every time I say the word diet, I gain 5 lbs.  I was so frutstrated with myself this afternoon when I got home from work.  I was in the walk in closet changing my cloths.  I put on a pair of shorts that I could wear in the beginning of the summer and they were too tight.  Disgusted with myself I stepped on the scale and weighed in at a wopping 283.6 pounds.  I remember the day when I thought 160 was heavy.  I love to weigh that today.  I've tried weight watchers, nutri-system, slimfast.. nothing. I have such a terrible sweet tooth I can't control it.  Now that it's October there's candy everywhere.

As you can tell from some of my pics, I'm a rather well endowed woman.  So last month I went to see a surgeon about getting a breast reduction.  Of course the first thing she said is my breast would be smaller if I lost some weight.  "No really??" Actually not really, when I was at my smallest 125 (that didn't last long) I was still in a D cup.  Now I'm more around a size H.  Yea a H.  Anywhoo... after talking a while she said that she felt I could use a reduction and would feel immediate relief in my neck and shoulders.  It's no uncommon for my right shoulder and neck to be stiff.  I develop a stiff neck and can't move my head.  All of it related to my gargantuan breasts.  So  I had a mammogram, which came out fine.  Oh, they did determine my breast were full of fat. Imagine that!!  Soo... the report was given to the Dr and she wrote a letter of medical necessaty for procedure.  That's been about two weeks and I still haven't heard anything. 

Hopefully my surgery will be approved.  The Dr said she would probably remove about 800-1000 gm of  fat and tissue.  That's at least 2lbs per breast, that's 4lbs off of my chest.  I can't imagine being able to wear a bra that doesn't ride up or my breast not falling out of the bottom.  I'm not sure how long I should wait before I call either the dr's office or in the insurance company.  My biggest fear is they will deny my surgery because of my weight. 
All the more reason to try and take some of the extra poundage off.  I'm hoping by keeping this blog I'll make myself accountable.

I mean really!!

You know you're too fat when you have trouble wiping  your butt.  I mean really.

Fighting a craving

I would love to go put my face in some left over cake right now.  It's almost 11pm and I have usually had a snack by now.  I did have a snack, not cake, but green grapes.  I'm hoping by writing about my cravings I'll be able to overcome them. 
I've never really understood why I want to eat late at night.  I don't know whether it's because I'm doing my own thing.  You see, from about 10p on it's really my time in the living room.  I have the entire room to myself.  Unfortunately that room is connected to the kitchen. So it's easy to get up and get something to eat. 

I tink I need to go through the pantry, frig and freezer  and get rid of items we don't need.
Well this has hlep thanks.

Accountability

It's time to face the facts.  I'M FAT!!!  I am 5ft 5 1/2 inches tall and weigh in at 275lbs.  This is the most I have ever weighed in my 47 years.  I'm going through menopause, so not only am I fat, but I'm having hot flashes too. 
Because of my weight, I'm on several medications.  One for chronic indegestion, which could be resolved, "if you'd lose some weight", Lexapro because I suffer from anxiety.  I take a restless leg medication because at night my legs are constantly moving.  I also take an anti inflammatory for the pain in my feet and legs, all because of my weight.
I wear a size 2x and 3x shirt.  My breasts are so large that my back hurts, not only upper but lower.  I'd love to get a breast reduction but I know that (or I'm pretty sure) the doctor would tell me just to lose weight.  
Here is a picture of me at my husband 50th birthday party this past July 4th.

This is me and my neice Molly. 

My skinny husband.

That's  me in the middle.  This picture really brought home to me how big I have really gotten.  It's gotten so far out of hand I don't know if I can make it back.  Obesity runs in my family and I'm afraid I may passed it down to my children.  You see my husband is 6'2" and weighs a wopping 175lb.  I weigh 100 lbs more than my husband. 

My hope is to use this blog as motivation to get my act together and get healthy for not only myself but for my kids.  I have three children who I want to see grow and give me grandchildren.  My paternal grandfather died from heart disease, my father died from colon cancer.  My mother is over weight as well. 

It is now 12:10am on Wednesday, July 20, 2010.  Today is the beginning of my journey.  Wish me luck.